Anonymous sources inside the White House have confirmed that President Trump was surprised at the public backlash to his ending of the DACA program, given the other truly terrible ways to remove immigrants he had been considering.

“We had all kinds of ideas of what to do to immigrants given to us by Trump voters,” confirmed the aide. “Beheading was a popular one, as was death by firing squad. A couple people from Wisconsin thought the government should issue hunting licenses, but that got crossed off the list pretty quick as a real PR killer. One guy suggested we put them all in a giant piƱata and shoot it with a cruise missile. Trump figured that would at least make for good TV, so that was on the short list for a while.”

While the majority of the country is opposed to removing DACA protections, many are relieved Trump has punted the next steps to Congress where the odds of a resolution that includes decapitation or explosions is much less likely.

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