With the end of summer nearly here, Almost Real News has compiled a list of our top ways to stay positive as winter approaches.
- Remember that winter will bring a chance to sport your new Russian fur hat from the Donald Trump Collection.
- All the local hooligans will soon be locked away in our nation’s schools.
- You’ll trade the frustrating sounds of going over toys with your lawn mower, for the relaxing sounds of going over toys with your vacuum cleaner.
- You can finally stop drinking those light, crisp beers that everyone enjoys and switch to those dark, syrupy beers that make people gag.
- November and December are the two months of the year you actually have an excuse for eating until you want to die.
- You can stop berating yourself for forgetting to apply sun screen to your red, burnt face.
- Remember that next summer will be here before you know it. The chances of us all dying in a nuclear war before then are very small – 15 or 20 percent tops.
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