Almost Real News has partnered with the National Academy of Science and Things to survey America's fathers and determine once and for all what dad is doing in the bathroom. 

  • Taking a 45 minute shower to rinse off the stench of failure.
  • Folding bath towels into swans to enhance the bathroom's spa-like quality.
  • Watching YouTube videos on how to deal with children who are dissappointments.
  • Sneaking some of Mom's wrinkle reducing eye cream.
  • Just holding his head in his hands and rocking back and forth.
  • Waiting it out until the next election.
  • Crying because of something you did.

Almost Real News is a satirical website committed to bringing you stories that are 100% almost true. You can learn more about us and read our disclaimer here.