Almost Real News has worked tirelessly to bring you our best advice for reducing stress in the workplace. While no single change can alleviate all job related woes, a combination of these strategies is sure to drastically change your work environment.

  • Come up with some hilarious catchphrases to share with your coworkers like, "Get the hell out of my cubicle!"
  • Keeping a flask on hand will improve your mood but it will also inspire a level of sloppiness that will ensure any really important projects are sent to somebody else.
  • When you're bombing an important presentation, try to refocus people's attention on more pressing matters like the fire you started in the break room.
  • Take control of your health and start being more active at work by using a standing desk. Not right now though. Maybe after lunch.
  • No pants Fridays.
  • Reduce the guilt you feel from your massive carbon footprint by ensuring your lunches are locally sourced. It only takes raising a few turkeys in an open conference room.
  • When faced with an anxiety attack, ask a coworker wrap you in an adult-sized swaddle blanket to help you calm down and feel safe.
  • Know that your career is just one phase of life and envision the several months of happiness you'll have between retiring and death.

Almost Real News is a satirical website committed to bringing you stories that are 100% almost true. You can learn more about us and read our disclaimer here.

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