“Don’t ever cross through that yard,” admonished local fourth grader Miguel Bacca to a group of his peers from Johnson Elementary School. “That crazy old man spends his whole day yelling at his TV. But if he sees you in his yard, he drives after you in his golf cart.”

“Nah,” objected Suzie Lee. “My brother told me he’ll be really nice to you at first and then try to shake your hand so hard he pulls your arm off.” 

“Never look him in the eye,” warned David Peterson. “He will pick you up and body slam you. I saw it on TV.” 

“I heard when he catches a trespasser, he pees all over them,” whispered little Paco Rodriguez. Though, Paco had to admit he couldn’t name the source of that rumor.

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