Multiple anonymous sources have reported seeing President Trump hanging out behind the Capital Building lunchroom today, picking on new senators and daring them to try social media.

“Do you tweet, or are you some kind of baby,” asked Trump of Senator Kamala Harris. “I tweet as soon as I get up every day, because, well, I’m hardcore like that.” He added, “I don’t care about how people think I’m supposed to act,” pointing to the cell phone rolled up into his shirt sleeve, “this unsecured cellphone is a part of who I am and ain’t nobody gonna keep me from it.”

“Hey you. Yeah you. Fresh meat,” called President Trump after a visibly annoyed John Kennedy of Louisiana.

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