Ousted FBI Director James Comey is slated to testify on Capitol Hill tomorrow. It’s anyone’s guess what Comey may divulge about Trump and Almost Real News is here to help our readers speculate wildly about what secrets might be revealed.

  • Russia’s dirt on Trump includes his intense, almost cult-like devotion to Yakov Smirnoff.
  • The demands for loyalty from his staff requires wearing a gold medallion that reads “Besties” in diamonds
  • Only allows Sean Spicer seven hours to carefully craft and edit each Presidential tweet.
  • Can’t remember the name of that one short secret service agent, but now it’s just too embarrassing to ask.
  • Flies back to NYC each night to read Barron a chapter from Art of the Deal.
  • Became a vegan in 1994 on moral grounds.
  • Planning for the penthouse of Trump Tower to be removed and added as the new top floor of the White House.
  • Is actually even worse in person than he seems on TV.

Almost Real News is a satirical website committed to bringing you stories that are 100% almost true. You can learn more about us and read our disclaimer here.