Many North Koreans have confirmed to ARN that the biggest worry in their lives today is the increasing instability of American politics. “As a small nation, we are often at the whim of large global players,” said an unnamed attendant for Kim Jong-Un whose day job is placing rose petals in the Supreme Leader’s toilets. “Having the United States run by a megalomaniac with no experience in diplomacy puts all of us at risk. Why do republicans support him instead of working across the aisle? It makes no sense to me,” said the young man as he ended his day shift and went to his evening job of smiling at Kim Jong-Un with the warmth of a thousand suns.

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