Blue-collar conservatives across the country breathed a sigh of relief this week after seeing President Trump’s tax plan, which will eliminate many taxes that they would never, ever need to pay in their wildest dreams.

“Good riddance to the death tax,” said local gas station attendant and truck enthusiast Lucas Warber. “I buy $20 worth of lotto tickets every payday and when I hit it big, that money is mine. No one’s gonna take that from my family.”  When questioned about is current financial situation, Mr. Warber listed his main assets as his 65-inch flat screen TV and some “pretty sweet” rims on his truck.

Other low wage workers were more excited about Trump’s repeal of the Alternative Minimum Tax. “Minimum tax my ass!” exclaimed Shannon Harrison, a fast food worker earning $19,000 a year who dislikes the tax which affects households earning over $200,000 in over 97% of cases. “You ain’t gonna tell me I have to pay a minimum tax. The government needs to stop wasting money so I can afford to pay my bills.” Ms. Harrison had to cut her interview for this story short, as she needed to stop by the government sponsored food shelf before picking up her child from her government subsidized daycare.

Almost Real News is a satirical website committed to bringing you stories that are 100% almost true. You can learn more about us and read our disclaimer here

Advertisements