Almost Real News has compiled a list of our favorite tips for planning a secret meeting with someone from the White House. Whether you represent a powerful fascist government or just some run of the mill billionaire ideologue, our guide provides fool proof methods to ensure your devious plans go off without a hitch.
- Wearing something from the Trump brand will likely be taken as a sign of loyalty, but is perhaps a little over done. Standout from the crowd by donning a Lady Gaga-esque meat costume made from 100% Trump brand steak.
- Bring hand sanitizer. Lots and lots of hand sanitizer.
- If holding the meeting in certain Asian countries, it may be courteous to bring a small gift. In this case, the head of a climate scientist will suffice.
- Don’t worry about plans for your secret meeting getting leaked to the media as news of some other ridiculous thing will almost certainly over shadow that by mid-afternoon.
- If they want to meet you in a public place they already know, make sure to wear your “MAGA” hat jauntily to one side so they can tell you apart from all the other menacing looking skin heads.
- When you first sit down with the representative of the White House, they will probably be a bit skittish. Make them feel more at home by making wild accusations and then randomly repeating anything you heard on Fox News the night before.
- Always send a hand written thank you note on stationary from the Trump hotel you are staying at.
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