Parents Lila and Steven Potumpkin have reported to Almost Real News that their idiot son Matthew would rather play with a brightly colored box than the $100 toy it had recently contained.

“I just spent an hour going to the store and $100 to buy that crap and now all he wants is to play with the box?” asked Steven in disgust. “Why do I even bother with that moron?”

“It’s like he’s some kind of Neanderthal,” said the 1 year old’s mother. “I try explaining things to him but all he says is gibberish.”

The Potumpkins are relieved, however, that there will be no need to save for a college education.

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