Dr. William Breevy addressed the press this afternoon after his first day in the role of White House Psychologist. The newly created position works alongside the White House Physician and supports the mental wellness of President Trump and his closest staff.

“Good afternoon everyone,” began  Breevy, “I’d like to express my thanks to the White House for recognizing the importance of mental health and creating the new role of White House Psychologist. It…” Breevy stopped a moment putting a hand to his temple before shaking it off and continuing, “It is an honor and a privilege to be serving… I’m sorry is anyone else really hot?” The doctor removed his tie to sop up streams of sweat running down his face.

“So sorry, let me get back to thanking the White House. Did I do that already?” Looking somewhat dizzy, Breevy began rambling on,”Sometimes I repeat myself, not just for redundancy but also for knowing the creator who made us all to see and live in the endless torrent of the light and the dark which fights together just as the spirit touched him on the hip that a change would come like the eye of Ra and with the power of Thor’s hammer to bind us all together and alone. Buzz, buzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzzz!”

The buzzing got louder and louder until with a great bang Dr. Breezy burst into a thousand tiny points of light which fell slowly to the ground and twinkled out of existence.

As of the time of this article, the job description for White House Psychologist had been reposted on jobs.gov.

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