Republicans in congress have announced their first draft of the program they intend to take the place of Obamacare. The initiative they dub the Almost Affordable Care Act will reduce the burden of paying for insurance every month and instead give Americans the freedom to only pay for the medical coverage they need, as they need it.
“This is exactly what I’ve been asking for,” said Tim Malinowski, a resident of Madison, WI who will have a minor heart attack next week. “I’m tired of the government telling me what to do and glad we finally have an administration who is listening to real people.”
“Praise the Lord!” said Susan Trujillo, a grandmother from northern Texas whose Type 2 diabetes will be diagnosed in the third quarter of 2017. “Freeing up the money I’ve been wasting on Obamacare every month, I can finally afford to bring my grandchildren to that all you can eat ice cream buffet in Lubbock.”
Jason Albright was also also happy to have more money in his pocket. “Listen, I’m a hard working American but I can hardly get ahead. After the payment on my truck and the credit card debt from my new TV and surround sound system, Obamacare takes every last cent.” Jason’s upcoming medical bills from falling off a trampoline on St. Patrick’s Day will be more than he earns in a year.
Republicans are calling the Almost Affordable Care Act a “godsend for America” and are thanking the President for making the repeal and replacement of Obamacare a priority.
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