In response to the recent wave of news stories about Russian hacking, President-Elect Trump announced today he is planning to build a thirty foot tall cyber wall, and have Russia pay for it.
Introducing the new plan at a rally in rural Indiana, Trump said, “Republicans have great defense and Democrats are weak. Since Democrats are too weak to defend themselves against the Russians, we will build a thirty foot tall cyber wall to make our country safe again.” Yelling to the crowd, “And who’s going to pay for it?”, a chorus of thirty thousand voices shouted back, “Russia!”
Covering the story, CNN interviewed dozens of cyber security experts who unanimously agreed a thirty foot tall wall of old computers wouldn’t do anything to make America safer. One expert said: “It’s beyond terrifying that the PEOTUS doesn’t understand a physical wall of hardware won’t do anything to stop hacking. In fact, if a foreign country were able to power on all the computers in the wall, they would have the single greatest hacking device known to man.”
Trump replied to the criticism on Twitter: “More fake news from CNN. Bad CNN! Bad CNN! All fake news. Fake, fake, fake. Losers. Failing fake CNN.”
Asked about the new plan, Vladimir Putin was quoted as saying, “Sure, we’ll pay to build your cyber wall. We just have one video to show you first.”
And China replied to the announcement with its own plan to build a Great Cyber Wall, demanding the United States pay for it.
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